Earlier this rainy Wednesday evening while lazing in bed, I was asked by someone over the phone about my availability on my birthday weekend. In case you don’t know yet, I’m turning a year older pretty soon on the first Friday of August. And just so you won’t think that I’m a total narcissistic woman while reading this post, I think it would help you understand me better when I say that I’m that type of person who sees birthdays as the most special day in the whole entire year! Lol. The type who would be in utter disbelief when a coworker spends his birthday at the office or when someone won’t even do anything AT ALL on that day. I mean, come on, you only get to have that day once in the whole entire year, and IT IS YOURS. It’s not like Christmas or New Year. Your birthday is all about YOU! (So yes, I guess I’m pretty much a narcissistic woman after all.)
I couldn’t decide what to do, what to plan and where to go. I just couldn’t foresee how to spend my birthday weekend which I found very unusual. I always knew what to do, I always had an idea where to go, and I always had someone to spend my birthday with. With my birthday falling on a Friday, everyone, including my family will be at work and that leaves me with no one. Huhu!
Then it dawned on me. This is how it is like to be… single (and not have money lol).
A few more minutes into the conversation, tears slowly fell on my temples as I tried to sit up the bed and prop myself up against the pillow. I felt sad, worried and kind of… I don’t know… felt a very unhappy feeling in my chest as if something was weighing down the muscles in my cheeks.
I do not know the reason behind that feeling. Is it because no one else sees my birthday the same way I do? Someone who understands how big it is for me even if other people find it too dreamy, pathetic and childlike.. Someone who plans with me and gets me all excited for my most awaited time of the year? Or is it because I’m just too scared to be alone?
But then I realised, this year is different. And maybe, God wants me to change for the better and find real meaning in the most precious gift anyone could ever ask for – another year to live this complicated but wonderful life. Or maybe He wants me to feel empowered and independent by being alone on a day that I usually spend with the people I love? Or maybe I’m just being a total self-obsessed girl. :))
I feel like I’m getting so emotional because I’m very near the start of my period, hence the tears and this unexpected post. I could really get very emotional at times, I tell you. But what do you think? Are you also a birthday-obsessed girl/guy like me? Haha. What do you do on your birthday? Let me know by commenting below!